Last Writes
Looking through social media in the midst of a global COVID-19 pandemic has become a bit like reading a scrolling obituary for friends and loved ones of friends who have succumbed to this horrible disease.
Each day I read tributes to uncles, grandmothers, fathers and spouses who have died. I read touching memories, funny recollections, and words of gratitude for the imprint the loved one leaves behind.
And, more than once, I have found myself going back through the posts of a personal friend who tested positive and entered the hospital where they died. Alone. I’ve looked at the last thoughts they shared. The snippets of life they allowed me to view through their eyes.
From funny dog videos and recipes to political musings and reflections of family life, I’ve been struck by lives cut short, voices cut off in mid-thought, by this virus. I’ve wondered what they would have said or shared if they had known it would be their last words.
I’m asking myself the same thing. What would I want to say and share? What would I want my friends and family to remember and carry with them? What would I offer as my “last writes?”
If someone were to look back at what I’ve written – whether in words or my life’s actions – I hope they see reflected “I believe in God, the Father Almighty…” It is my faith in a God who sees and knows more than I that sustains me.
To this day, I do not have answers for why I had to watch my beloved husband die from cancer. I have no words to explain the grief of seeing his casket and grave. But I know Who does. And in spite of sorrow and unanswered whys, I believe.
I trust friends and loved ones would see my family as deeply cherished; a source of joy and pride. My daughter, who is my best and brightest; my gift to this world and a gift to my life. My boys, not sons by blood but by choice. Strong, wise and kind, they hold a place in my heart as they make their mark on this world. And my husband Lorenzo. Such an unexpected gift of love and laughter to me. Adored and cherished for his unfailing kindness and resolute convictions that keep his heart tender to the “others” in life that are too often ignored and marginalized.
Hopefully people recognize purpose and conviction in what they read and see in my life. Investing my time and talent into leaving this world better than I found it matters to me. Making sure children obtain the education they need in order to succeed. Ensuring my neighbors have enough to eat and a roof over their heads. Remembering that “we are all born broken; grace is the glue that mends” and extending grace to those who are coming apart and undone. Being someone who opens the door; scoots over to make space; extends a smile and handshake.
These days, I’m thinking a lot about these “last writes.” And I’m looking for ways to write them on hearts, not merely on paper.